My Family Photos: A History of Awkward Moments, Both Public and Private.

Can family photos be awkward if your family meant for them to be that way?  I guess we're about to find out.

In my younger childhood years, things weren't quite so awkward.  I mean, there was the occasional accidental cat molestation, but who doesn't have baby pictures like this?

I then went through a brief phase of thinking that I had to be completely still for the camera, that apparently the object in the photo was supposed to be more interesting than the person.

To myself:  "Don't move, Stephanie... the camera's in here."

That behavior quickly faded to make room for more awkward behaviors, such as jumping in front of the camera when I thought a picture was about to be taken.

 "I NEED to be in this photo, I just have to commemorate my

impeccable fashion sense."

As I got older, I began to notice that my family members, particularly my parents (initially), thrived on being awkward in photos.  One of our most public awkward photos was definitely on our trip to Branson, MO.  Since that area of the country is so accepting of alternative lifestyles like cross-dressing, it must've inspired my parents.

I know it's subtle, but give it a second.

I also recall that we learned at a young age in my family that you shouldn't piss my mom off.  I don't know what my dad did here, but it probably wasn't good.

Then there was that time my brother Ben mouthed off...

Uh oh, Ben.  I don't know what's going on here, but whatever you're doing dressed as Tourist Dad is not pleasing Mom.  I hope everything was okay after this...

Way to put your game face on, Ben.  Don't let her know you're afraid.

Of course, my mom could also be goofy.

I hope you all haven't forgotten about this picture.

She looks happy about what's happening to her head.

My mom is only smiling well in the above picture because we caught her off-guard.  Her "picture smile" is a little bit different...

She never used to believe me that she smiled like that in pictures, but after showing her other photos to support that idea, she pretty much had to admit it.

To be fair, it runs in her family.

Sure, I'd love be in a picture with my mom and my lovely aunts.  *Sigh*

Which, fortunately or unfortunately, means it also runs in my family.

And as if that's not bad enough, I also get it from my dad.

The Swami is scared of stuffed animals.

No one wanted to ride on this with my dad for some reason...

Once, my parents were invited to an Ugly Christmas Sweater Party, which boasted a prize for the worst sweaters as voted on by the attendees.  Being that this was a moment they were both born to shine in, they made their own sweaters... and of course, they won.

At least those were better than the sweaters my dad normally wears...

So you see it's no wonder that when Ben and I were actually let out of the house, we didn't quite fit in socially...

Another quite public example of this occurred when my brother discovered that Santa was attending the Holiday Luncheon where he works.

Ben's description: "Did you notice the childlike wonderment in my eyes, and the slight terror in Santa's?"

I also set my brother up for awkwardness at times.  For instance, there was that time I decided to ice his likeness onto a cake, but of course I had to make his head look like it was coming out of a toilet.

Even though we have proven our ability to be awkward individually, our awkward star shines particularly bright when we're all in a picture together.  Whenever my mom says, "Okay everyone, time to pick your props!" you know it's family photo time.

Yes, my dad has a fake Hitler 'stache over his real mustache.

We've tried everything from jumping in the air...

Yes, this was an attempt at taking a "Look at us, carefree and jumping in the air" shot.  We never claimed to be coordinated.

...to putting Mom in strange positions...

...to just dancing awkwardly until the camera timer went off.

This year, my dad got to thinking: if the four of us together could make such strange photos, imagine what we could do if we involve even more people!

Me:  No, I don't think that's a good idea, Dad.

Dad:  It'll be awesome!  These pictures will have all the best aspects of family photos: props, ambiguously gay positioning, making other people slightly uncomfortable when looking at them!  You'll thank me later, I promise.

When you're right, you're right.