Every year for Christmas or a birthday or some random day, I like to make a gift for someone in my family. It's because it's
Me: Here's Mom, completed!
Ben: Uhh, that's great, she looks a little...
Me: Just say it, she looks like Jabba the Hutt.
Ben: I was going to say 'fat', but yes your description is more accurate.
Me: Well, since it's her present, I made her as the biggest doll, and unfortunately that means I had to make her proportions... different.
Ben: I think it's the mouth, it's huge.
Me: Yeah, and the ass.
Ben: Yeah, it's like she has no legs. This was a terrible idea.
Me: I added details too, let me send you a pic of the bottom!
Ben: Uhhhh... what the hell is that? Why did you paint Mom a vagina?!
Me: What? I didn't! Those are feet and toes!
Ben: That looks awfully like a vaj...
Me: No, I did not paint a vaj.
Me: OH MY GOD, it's a vaj! It's an accidental one though, does that make it better??
Ben: You're not giving it to her like that, are you?
Me: Shit. I guess I'll paint it blue...
Ben: Do I look this fat? Do I have genitalia?
Me: Uhh, well I'm completing each person in order of their importance to the family...
Ben: Wait, you painted Poopie already but you didn't paint me yet???
Me: Yeah, I guess I was waiting to see your reactions to the others before I decided how effeminate to make you look.
Ben: Wonderful, well send me a pic when you're done.
Ben: So I'm groping myself? Or just rubbing my head in a sexy way?
Me: You're trying to be sexy, but falling short - I wanted to keep these as true to life as possible.
Ben: I look ridiculous.
Me: How about now?
Ben: Wow, is that a nesting doll graveyard?
Me: I hung your head and severed torso on posts as a warning to the other dolls.
Ben: You really made me look womanly. Like I have lipstick and mascara on.
Me: I know. Mom's going to love these.
