So here is my photo account of the awesome and awful that came with this hike:
Awesome: The scenery, which I mentioned, but I would like to illustrate it here:
Machu Picchu itself. Bringing out the big guns early. Risky, I know.
The rare Andean Douchebag is seen here in its natural habitat.
The scenery was extra nice because you could pretend that every time you stopped to catch your breath (sometimes every five steps), you were just admiring the scenery.
"Wow! The view from three steps in front of that last view is even more amazing!"
Machu Picchu from a different angle than we normally see it in pictures. If you look closely you can see llamas.
Awful: The road we had to take to get there, particularly the stairs. The first day was mostly flat. The second day was five miles up stairs and 2 miles down. The third day had 3000 stairs going down. There were lots...
And lots...
Of crazy stairs.
That's my tiny brother at the bottom!
Which led to lots of exhaustion.
My brother sat like this for about 20 minutes, trying not to puke.
After the first day, we were calling it the Inca Trail of Tears.
Look at my brother… I believe that is a face of homicidal ideation.
Awesome: Being outside and camping in the wilderness, amongst animals and crazy plants. There were several different kinds of animals, we even camped on a farm one night, which reminds me: roosters are freaking assholes. And when you yell, “Shut up!” from your tent at 3:30am, they don’t listen. Like I said, assholes. Anyway, this is the awesome part, so I’ll shut up about the roosters.
I actually think the llama improved the smell of my hand because it had been four days since I had showered at this point.
"Holy shit, a wild donkey!"
Ben had to pet every wild dog. He's now dealing with mange.
Awful: The cold.
This was the second night. It was 25 degrees overnight. I never got warm.
I get crazy eyes when I'm cold.
Awfullest of the Awful: The “toilets”. Not that I expected them to be anything good, but I did not expect this:
Nope.
That's right, it’s a porcelain hole in the ground. It’s covered in shit. Why bother with the porcelain?? I did not enjoy crapping in a hole in the ground, but later I realized how good I had it when I had a hole in the ground to crap in...
On the second day of the trip, I ate the porridge that a man in Cusco had warned me would “not agree with you.” Of course, I didn’t know what porridge was, until I ate some and our guide then decided to tell us what was what regarding our breakfast foods. I didn’t think anything of it until we were about halfway up the 5-mile upstairs hike. And then suddenly...
"Ben! Ben! Go catch up to Dad, he is the only one with toilet paper in his pack!"
Ben: “Dad! Stop, we need toilet paper. Steph’s prairie-dogging it!"
As I waddled up to them while they were both laughing, I looked at my surroundings. I knew we were miles from the nearest bathroom, but it was hard to find somewhere that looked safe to relieve myself...
That trail behind my brother (you can see tiny colorful people on it) was the trail we were walking on at this, a low moment in my life. I had the choice of walking up a steep slope or walking down. I chose up.
Now imagine squatting on that steep hill after two days of walking up stairs. Imagine putting your bare ass close to that tall, pokey grass.
As my dad put it, “I bet you’re missing the porcelain hole now!” Yes, Dad. Yes I was.
Despite their laughing, they were helpful in distracting the other trail-goers from my plight. My brother stood across from me, and would say hello to the passersby to get them to look at him. The first guy looked at him, said hello, and then looked directly at me. I just waved like crapping in the grass was a completely normal thing to be doing at that time.
Later in the day, I wondered aloud to my dad, “Do you think this will be the first time in my adult life that I actually crap my pants?"
Thankfully, it wasn't.
Awesome: Not to get all nerdy, but holy crap we found a courtyard/forum place that looked almost exactly like the ones in Assassins Creed II!
Okay, so you can't tell from these pics... these are the best pics I could find of these types of places from the game online, but those of you who have played this game recently may recognize what I’m talking about.
Awful: The fashion. Seriously, I’ve never been a fashionista anyway...
I'm wearing these to be cute. My mom wore them because they were 'fashionable.' I'm sure she also picked out that couch.
but my family I think pushes the bar in the other direction.
I'd like to apologize to my dad for not including him in this post until now, the bad fashion section. But seriously...
This is what we call his 'Dorkence of Arabia' hat. He's not wearing it ironically.
I think this look might catch on. Remember, you saw it here first.
Borrowed my fiance's long underwear.
This is after four days of sweating, wearing a hat, and not showering.
We were serious about these hats. I even look like I think I look good in it.
Awesome: My brother out in public.
"Okay, Ben, give us your best smile!"
We found a troll in an Incan tunnel...
This was his attempt at a Russian dance.
Awful: My brother out in public.
He does not give two shits about who's watching.
Not only does he have a cheetah print neck pillow, but he does this with it in public. Subtle.
The guy in the background was very amused.
You can't really leave him alone for very long.
Awfuller: My whole family out in public.
This could also go in the fashion section.
The girl in the background is so bewildered by my strange parents that she is literally like, "Hold the phone..."
We assumed we had to cross the street like the sign showed us.
I couldn't let my brother be the only cool one.
Now I'm the troll.
And finally, I leave you with some awesome.
The very dangerous road, especially when porters pass you with giant packs on their backs. It wasn't scary at the time, but this picture is pretty freaky.
This would not fly in the U.S.
This was not on the trek, it was in Lima, but it is worth showing that there is a freaking Cat Park in the middle of the city! And people didn't bring their cats... these were strays that lived in the park!
Cats, cats everywhere! They were friendly too! Or at least, indifferent.
And lastly, Machu Picchu with the main mountain obscured by clouds. This is real. I took this picture. This made the awful worth it:
We all agreed though: we'd never do it again.
So. Tired.
I have to eat this daintily because I'm so tired.
